Post-obstructive Diuresis

Tonight’s B2 Carmel Hockey by the Highways, Byways, and Roundabouts is brought to you in part by post-void residual bladder scans.  Urinary retention is mostly a problem when unrecognized, and the post-obstructive diuresis that can result after resolution is often disastrous.  Tonight’s featured game welcomed back Golden Showers from the injured reserve bladder, and 12 skaters oddly showed up, diuresing all over the ice.  We considered injuring our own players before, during, and after the game in order to improve our outcomes.  We unsuccessfully tried to loan the league commissioner to even the sides, as I think that the White Rhinos (nobody likes Zombies, they are still rhinos to me) started the game with 7 skaters.  Rhinoceroses are frisky, and they ended up multiplying bigly to maybe 9 or 10 skaters, and most of them are really tall.  

7 skaters in the first period for the Zombies meant that Copland didn’t leave the Bestfield short sheet.  I don’t know how many of Copland’s goals were unstoppable snipes versus how many shots that he missed the goal, but he quickly scored from Fruehman 45 seconds into the game.  Half of the golds were at the bar pre-gaming, and this was a game trend, as this is beer hockey.

I was able to answer at 17:50, with the setup assists going to Wittmeyer and Russ.  I remember a two on one with Kang, and he told me to shoot.  Rent-a-goalie Tolle had a nice game, and I don’t remember seeing any openings.  Tolle was solid all night glove side, but not on this beautiful high short-side goal that tied up the game.  

Trube then put the White Zombies up for good at 15:50 from Starnes and Spurlin on a memorable goal.  It seemed like Trube had the opportunity to score at least three times consecutively, but he seemed bent on furthering the embarrassment for Golden defenders.  It’s like he was trying to miss, until most of the players were lying on the ice and the puck was sitting in the crease in front of him.  Then, quickly afterwards at 12:15, Copland did one of those things from Fruehman again, and Hickman.  The piling on had begun, and I could only offer cheap chirps, which fell on deaf ears trying to guilt a Copland back to defense.

Then Spurlin scored to make it 4-1, with a third Fruehman assist, as well as Zombie.

Copland started the second period scoring for his hat trick from Bryan and Zombie to make it 5-1.  At 10:02 in the second period, Rhodes scored on an excellent shot from the point.  I had an excellent screen on this play, as opposed to my attempt last night with Indy Inline, when Keegan blistered one that just caught my inner left thigh.  He was sure that it was worse for me, but I had a clear initial puck mark which is now replaced with a solid bruise.  Steve-O somehow made the save last night, so it was great to see it go through my body into the net past Tolle.  Kang and I got the assist.  At times, the Golden Showers were playing typical dominating forward flow, but mostly not tonight.

Kang from Kane did complete the scoring from the Golden showers, but Hickman added two second period goals to give America’s team, the Golden Showers, another loss on the season.  All bladders were drained naturally after the game, and no injuries to report for next week.  Will the Golden Showers have 13 skaters next week for the big Carmeliceskadium Experience?  Tune in next week to find out.

Tonight’s  PS Reports from around the league….

CHiPS over the Long John’s 6-3.  

A spirited tilt that was 3-3 half way through the 3rd.  The John’s were missing West, Big Jake and Murphy and almost pulled off the upset over the skilled and noticeably more attractive CHiPS.

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The 7 man Ron Burgundy’s manned up a vigorous comeback to score 3 goals in the last 1:45 to send it to OT at 8-8 vs. a strong Average Joe’s squad. Alas, the comeback could not be completed as the Above Average Orange squeaked out the 9-8 OT victory.

The Burgundy’s blame fatigue, and society for the loss this evening.

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3-0 Cats I think, Bully missed an obvious goal,  so should have been 4-0